In a perfect world, every relationship would be perfectly decipherable. All of our love interests would respond to our advances, and everyone would live happily ever after. Unfortunately, we don’t live in such a world; more often than not, relationships start and end in a messy and confusing fashion.
One common situation that falls into this category involves that old rubric, unrequited love. Why is this situation so common?
There are actually many reasons, but it really depends on the specific relationship in question. That said, one thing is for sure: there are no easy answers.
For example, let’s consider a real world scenario most men know all too well due to experience…
Hmmm…let’s just be friends!
You meet a special girl. You know the one. She has all the qualities you want in a woman, and she’s so damn adorable and sexy it drives you completely nuts!
You get along great. You have TONS in common. The conversation flows as easily as water running downhill, and even your life goals and expectations line up. In short, she’s the perfect woman for you!
But then it happens. You ask her out, and something horrible spills from her mouth. Something like…
“I really like you, but I just don’t feel like I can date you right now. It’s not you, it’s me.”
No, it’s you. It’s definitely YOU. No one says that line unless it’s you. Or at least that’s the way it feels, right?
What comes next is even worse. Self-doubt, recriminations, soul searching, the whole nine yards. But beating yourself up never changes the situation.
So instead of wallowing in self-pity, let’s consider some of the reasons WHY she might say such a thing. Why would she like you and seem so incredible perfect, yet not want to date you?
This article delves into some of the reasons why she might not want to go out with you, even if she really does like you. It’s meant to give you some helpful perspective – as well as some concrete suggestions – so you can win the heart of the girl you really want.
To learn even more about how to get girls to date you, I strongly recommend checking out this post about the Girlfriend Activation System: http://newspapercat.org/girlfriend-activation-system-v2-review-are-you-man-enough-to-date-a-hottie/
Some Reasons Why She Might Like You, Yet Not Want To Date
Okay, so now you’re here: that horrible place where you haven’t been totally kicked to the curb yet, but you aren’t exactly getting waived in the door either. She’s probably sending lots of mixed signals, and you’re at your wit’s end trying to figure out what to do.
Let’s begin by examining HER perspective on the relationship. And what’s the best way to do that? Asking her friends or snooping around her Facebook page? Nope!
If you want to know what she’s thinking, the best way is to go straight to the source and ask HER. Here are some possible reasons why she loves having you around, but still won’t date you.
* Fear Of Long Term Rejection
It seems counterintuitive, but one reason she might reject you even though she likes you is her fear, or almost paranoia, that YOU will actually reject HER sometime in the future.
According to Dr. James E. Barrick, a psychologist who writes for the respected dating website Your Tango, many women have a more complete picture of what they need in a future mate than a man of comparable age usually does.
Therefore, since she has a detailed idea of what she needs, it’s easy to see how she might be attracted to a given guy, yet see the writing on the wall before he does. It’s also possible she’s been hurt in a previous long-term relationship.
That past experience can hold her back from committing to anything serious with ANY guy, not just you. In this case, when she says ‘ It’s not you, it’s me,’ she’s probably telling you the truth.
And that brings us to our next point…
* You’re Scarily Similar To An Ex
This might seem unfair to you, and in reality, it is, but both men and women tend to have a certain ‘type’ they are most attracted to. If she seems interested at first, but skittish later, it could be that when she met you, you fit her type.
That’s great, right? Yes and no.
It’s great because you’re probably the type of man she’s looking for. However, if she’s been hurt in the past by another man who was eerily similar to you, then she may hold that against you.
Are the comparisons fair? Nope. But that’s sometimes the way it works, and it might explain why she gets cold feet when it comes to dating you.
Remedies: What You Can Do To Get Her To Date You…Eventually
Okay, so now you’re probably wondering if there’s a solution to all this mess. Is there any way to rectify the situation?
The good news is, yes, there is. To cure the “I don’t want to date you” bug, try the following:
* Understand Her And Give Her Space (AKA Don’t Be Needy)
Few things in life that are worthwhile come easy. Love is no exception.
If she really is someone you can see yourself with, then give her time and space to sort things out. However, don’t put your own life on hold, don’t constantly seek reassurance that she still likes you, and don’t develop the constant need to be around her. Neediness kills attraction faster than anything.
This is a case where pulling away and being less available works to your favor. Let her know you care, but live your life and continue to see other people. The fear of loss is extremely powerful, and it may be just what she needs to snap out of her funk and realize you’re a guy she can’t afford to let get away.
And further to that point…
* Don’t Base Your Actions On Her Opinions
Always remember you have value as well, so don’t undermine your own self esteem. Just because she doesn’t want you for one reason or another doesn’t mean your life is over.
Check out that link I provided up above about the Girlfriend Activation System. Pay special attention to the parts about “Resetting Impression”. If a girl likes you, but doesn’t want to date you, then you’re in her “friend zone”. Yikes!
But you aren’t stuck there forever! You can reset her impression of you with a few simple techniques and become the man she actually wants to date!